Don’t Let Them Bring You Down

So I know I’ve mentioned my Amazingly Awesome Boyfriend and how amazing and awesome I think he is. He is a hard-working, dedicated man who works a very physically demanding job but still comes home and mows the lawn for me. For the most part, he is sweet and kind and caring and amazing at snuggling me when I’m sad or cold or scared. Of course he’s not perfect, like all of us. He has his demons and struggles he’s dealing with, and I try to support him through that the very best I can.

But sometimes, something in him just tweaks a bit, and his work rants become so hurtful and almost demeaning to me.

To start, he works 8-11 hours a day during the week, and 4-6 hours on Saturdays. He comes home filthy and tired and sore, so I voluntarily do the majority of the cleaning indoors. I also have this blog, my Tumblr blog, two or three writing projects on the go, my customer service job which is usually 30 hours (6 days) a week, and I’m taking online courses through work and sites like Coursera. This is on top of 10-20 hours a week of job hunting, resume writing, cover letter writing, and online workshops and networking events. I’m not exactly sitting around in my underpants, eating pizza and marathoning Netflix all day.

But when AAB gets upset, and work sucked, none of what I do counts.

Last night, we had a pretty decent fight about an on-going issue we’re working on. He got upset that all he wanted to do was take a shower and a poop, but I was texting him from work and he felt like he needed to reply. I told him that he should have just told me, “Look, I wanna poop and shower. We can talk about this when you get home.”

His reply?

“Well I don’t have time to sit around and analyze things and figure out the exact perfect thing to say. I don’t get to sit around on Facebook and write a stupid blog and do nothing all day………” He then went on to describe the extremely strange and dangerous job they did that day.

That really hurt though.

It hurts to think that everything I do around here, everything I do to better myself, is seen as some sort of luxurious downtime wasted on frivolities. I know he didn’t mean to hurt me, and he appreciates what I do around here. He was upset about his job, about where his life is now compared to where he wanted to be at this point in life, about the long hours and dirty environment and backbreaking labour. Sometimes he needs to feel like what he’s doing is important, more important than anything else, to help keep him going when things look bleak. And I get that.

The thing is, there are a lot of people out there like this. Too many, in fact. And they are like this more often than not. They drain your drive, crush your spirit, steal away the very essence of your being in order to make them feel all-important. I know I can go to AAB, tell him that what he said pissed me off royally, and he’ll apologize. We’ll end up curled up on the couch, all snuggled in together with the cat, talking about what we wanted to be when we grew up, where we thought our lives would be by now when we were younger, where and when we screwed it all up for ourselves. And he’ll be genuinely sorry that he hurt me, because I feel the same thing he does.

So if you have someone in your life that  gets you down like this Sunshine, someone who has to ruin you to build themselves up constantly, tell them. Tell them you’re not going to take that from them, that what they’re doing is pretty shitty and you won’t tolerate it. And if they don’t get it, if they don’t give your a real heartfelt apology, if they don’t understand why they can’t do that to make themselves feel better, then leave. You don’t need that in your life, Sunshine.


A Brief Rant…….. on the generation gap


Ok, I know every generation does this at some point. They look down on the younger generation, pick apart what they’re doing, and point out everything wrong with them. Every generation is lazy, entitled, and looking for a free ride compared to the generation before them, apparently.

But the amount of hate being thrown at kids today is just boggling my mind!

Now, one thing I want to point out is that I am in that weird group that was once Generation Y, but then got erased and kinda absorbed into the millennials. I was a kid when the NES and Sega Genesis game out. I can remember playing Duck Hunt for hours, with the gun up against the screen. I can remember having to put almost a dozen AA batteries into my Sega GameGear to get a few hours of play time out of it. I was around when the internet first started to get big. I played in mIRC chats, downloaded things on Napster and LimeWire, and played Trogdor before it was that weird song no one knew but everyone played on GuitarHero.  I was around when all these things started.

And I fully embrace the way they are heading.

You see, we use these things called “advances” in our lives to, well, advance things. Thanks to medical advancements, we have vaccines to protect from getting polio and rubella. Thanks to advances in automation, we can produce goods at a higher rate. And thanks to technological advancements, we have things like Smartphones.

Now, not every advancement is all sunshine and unicorn poops. I mean, the Atom Bomb was an advancement in nuclear science. But just because one generation has something a part generation didn’t, doesn’t make it bad.

Now, back to that meme above. Yes, I’ve seen kids in groups on their phones (lately it’s been to catch Pokemon together). But back when I was a kid, we used to sit around the NES and take turns being Mario, or a friend’s dad’s laptop to play Wolfenstein. How is this any different?

An older generation goes ahead and CREATES a product, and then shames the younger generation for USING it. “Oh, look at these stupid, lazy kids, sitting around playing on the phones my generation created for them and pushed on them.”  I mean, you ever try finding a flip phone or a Nokia Razor these days? It’s damn near impossible! These are the only phones out there, and with parents spending more time out of the home due to work, and fewer people having landlines due to cell phones, giving your kid a phone is somewhat practical at times.

Also, who the hell decided that the millennials are lazy?

Every generation works its buns off to give their children what they didn’t have, and to make their lives easier. Somehow, in the process of doing that for us, things like the collapse of the housing market and the bailouts of the banks and auto industry happened. Both the cost of and demand for higher education skyrocketed, and jobs became few and far between for most. (I’ll rant another day about job searches and degrees and such).

Right now, most of the millennials I know are the hardest working people I know. Just in a very small group of people I met through work there are the girl with 3 jobs doing almost 80 hours some weeks, the girl with the schooling and internship and job and daughter, the girl who worked 2-3 jobs at a time while in college, and a few handfuls of people who worked jobs in bars at night after working all day. True, none of these people are in the careers they wanted, but they are working their asses off just to survive.


Here’s another one that really get’s me going: the participation trophy.

Now, I know that not everyone needs a trophy for everything. The thing is, it’s not the kids who are giving out the trophies. Again, that older generation invented the Participation Trophy, and then complained when the younger generation got it! Parents were the ones who decided that every kid needed a damn trophy, and then they complain when every kids gets a damn trophy. WTF?????

I know, I know, every generation gripes about the younger generations. I just don’t know when I’ve seen this much hate for a generation before! The older generation creates things, and the younger generation gets shamed for using them.

I don’t know Sunshine. I just had to rant about that today, get it out of my head to make room for more positive thoughts… and caffeine.