Motivation

I’ve tried to start half a dozen new posts in the last few days, and nothing has come of them.  I can get a paragraph, maybe two, into them and that’s it.

I just have no motivation right now.

Since I graduated from University, my motivation has just plummeted. I mean, I still get up every day, do  my thang. I have my job search, my free online classes that I keep starting and never finishing, my housework………. but that’s it.

I used to craft. I used to write. I could write 8 12-page research papers in a matter of weeks, on top of constant reading, volunteering, and Buffy marathoning. I could research for hours, curl up in a ball and write all night, and still have the get-up-and-go to head off for drinks after that. I was a damn machine!

But lately……. I’m just blah. Honestly, I thrived on all of those deadlines. Knowing that things had to be done by a certain date and certain time gave me drive. I could manage dozens upon dozens of deadlines and projects at once. I had a scheduling system that encompassed a monthly calendar, a 4-month calendar, a day planner, a monthly task list, a weekly task list, and both daily and weekly to-do lists. And I loved it!

These days, though, I don’t have that. I have a decent job in customer service. It pays enough to kinda pay the bills. I’m looking for a second job, or a full-time job, but there’s no huge rush on that. I can manage for a while on what I’m doing.

There’s no structure for anything, though.

My job has an ever-changing schedule. Just today, my evening 5 hour closing shift got changed to a full-day 8 hour closing shift. I jump from closing to open to close support to afternoons all in a week sometimes. I can’t make a strict schedule for my time with my shifts jumping all over the place. I can’t say “I’ll get up and write every morning/every night before bed” when I don’t know when I’ll be waking up or going to bed. When I work a closing, I’m up later trying to unwind.

Add to that the fact that I have no deadlines. If I don’t update this blog, no one comes after me. There is no one demanding I update this. There is no negative consequences to not updating, other than losing the few readers I have. Basically, all of the structure I had forced on me before is gone, and I don’t know how to deal with that.

I’m not alone in this, either. I’ve talked to so many people who come out of school feeling empty, feeling lost, with no one there to tell them what to get done. I keep telling myself that I’ll make my own structure, that I’ll give myself deadlines, but it never works. I don’t have anyone else here to enforce them.

Anyone else out there in the Internet have this problem, Sunshine? Drop me a line, let me know how you deal with the post-grad lack of structure!

Advertisements

3 thoughts on “Motivation

  1. You’re also not alone in “these kinds of jobs”. It’s been a real tumble to so many people in our economy, to have lost not only the jobs but the “structure” that was eventually built into the job experience for employees of the manufacturing industry during the decades that unions worked for us effectively. No one else did that. Retail, large as that industry is, somehow evaded human rights issues such as scheduling expectations. It’s been shown that “shift work disorder” can affect lives negatively over the long term.

    Although most service-oriented businesses run sloppy scheduling, you might try something in private healthcare. Private offices tend to be closed on weekends and not work late.

    I’ve felt more promise in our overall ability to cope (as a nation) lately, but still it’s not very promising on an individual level unless you’re one of the few who has managed to stay in such a job or who luck into a new one such as this.

    Also wanted to mention that I too have tried “free online classes”. A few of the less intensive ones have been keepers, but I have resisted returning to very intensive ones that ultimately wont offer me anything in the way of credits. No credits means no job, for jobs don’t typically test to verify knowledge. They want official learning credits. Still, this isn’t always true and I do still enroll for the free classes that I believe will round out my resume. But for the most part, I’m only interested in classes that offer credits . . . so I have as many credits as I could afford with my paychecks. Not a constant experience! Still have a few hours left to finish an undergrad degree, waiting on that job that’ll pay for it.

    Keep writing as you go along, it’ll help. Motivation can be hard to come by. Yesterday, I read a good motivational post that suggested if there’s one thing only we can do, that it’s to “write one truth” daily. Not a factual, researchable truth . . . but a personal truth. It’ll help you open up as a writer, which obviously you’ve done some of that already! Best of luck to you-

  2. aneverydayjosh says:

    You just have to make structure yourself. Make deadlines for yourself everyday. Try something new, like a new skill and create deadlines for yourself to learn your new skill.

    • Part of my problem is that there is no one other than me holding me accountable. It’s just too easy for me to make excuses for myself, or to put things on the back burning to get other things done. When I had someone around to give me deadlines, or to hold me accountable, then my possible fear of letting people down pushed me forward.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s