Well the last few weeks have been……. interesting. I have been too mentally and physically exhausted to write anything.
-my brother went through his first big break-up, then they made up, then his boyfriend started to really get on my nerves. I have no clue what their status is at any time, and have to be prepared for their next break-up because my brother did NOT handle the first one well at all.
-Mum had her angiogram, and we got the ok for her open heart surgery. She’ll be going in for that a few hours north of here, right around the same time dad has to go in for his ablation (another type of heart surgery). Both of their health is not exactly even good (dad has problems with afib and mum’s faulty valve has her heart down to working at around 30% of what it should be). Took the day off for mum’s procedure, went to do their heavy lifting for them to decorate for Christmas, and helped them put on their New Years Day party.
– worked every day recently besides New Years Day (when I helped them throw their party), Boxing Day (when my siblings woke me up at 5am to go shopping for close to 10 hours before I had to go home and clean), and Chris’s Day (which was an early morning, a few quick naps, and a lot of answering questions about recent events in my life, which drained me mentally). My first day off in weeks that is actually a day off from everything is this Wednesday.
– have been going through a ridiculously long process to get a job with a local government office of sorts (can’t say who). Credit checks, background checks, computer testing, spelling tests, grammar tests, interviews……. next step is filling out paperwork for a psychological analysis ( said it will take up to 4 hours) this Thursday, and then travelling a few hours north next Friday to meet with a psychologist.
-broke up with the boyfriend. We still live together, and get along great as friends. That’s a big part of why we broke up. Happened about a week before Christmas, before he went home to see his family. I took it rough for a few days, and am not sure how things will be when he gets back here next weekend.
– thanks to the break-up, it seems like everyone is trying to set me up with someone. I have family trying to set me up with every nice boy my age they meet, coworkers trying to set me up with our customers, and the people who aren’t trying to set me up with someone seem to think I have an obsessive crush on various male friends (apparently being single and appreciating that a boy has a nice butt means I lay awake at night imagining what our children will look like).
-between work, family, preparing for the holidays, and brief walks to trying and regain a bit of sanity, I haven’t been home much. As I keep saying, I’ve been home long enough to make a mess, not long enough to clean it. Lost my bed under piles of clothes and books, so I’ve been sleeping on the couch. And now that the holidays are over, I have to take all my new “free time” to clean up the house before my roommates get back.
– the holiday schedule was nuts (close one night, early morning stock shift the next, full day floor shift the next…….) and that threw off my sleep schedule. Thanks to this, I’ve been getting sick quite a bit. Seems like I have the never ending cold.
-and now that the holidays are over, my hours at work have been cut, drastically. I went from 34 hours a week to 0 hours scheduled. I have been lucky to pick up three shifts this week, but still have nothing so far foe next week. The biggest trigger for my anxiety? Poor finances. I can barely make it through January ok, but am in a panic for February.

This is just a list of the bigger things going on right now. Throw in my obsessive need to “Christmas properly”, my increasing drinking on many nights, analyzing an old crush on who I thought was “the one” and looking at why things went so horribly wrong, and an huge increase in engagements/weddings/babies all around me…… and things are going to hell. I just haven’t had the clarity in my mind to write anything in many weeks.

Hopefully I can get back to this blog soon though. I’ve been randomly playing in the kitchen, looking at recipes, and reading a lot on getting your first apartment to clear my head, so I have some fresh ideas bouncing around in me.

So I miss you all, Sunshines, and will be back to see you soon.

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