I am absolutely exhausted today, so you’re going to learn a little about me. I’m just too damn tired to read through my blogging notes and write anything coherent or interesting. I had to go to a baby shower today, and the buses in this city run on a really strange schedule on weekends. The bus I would usually take to get where I needed to go just doesn’t run at all on Sundays. There was one bus that would take me very close to where I was going, but I would have had to take another bus for almost 45 minutes to get to a bus stop to transfer to this bus, and then ride that another half an hour. The bus I wound up taking was a short walk from my place, only took a 20 minute ride, and then a longer walk (on a busy road, with no sidewalk for a good chunk of the walk) to get to the hall. I don’t drive right now, so it’s public transit or begging people for rides.
I had cars for years. Always named them too. My last car was a little red ’94 Dodge Spirit that I named Bethany Mae Boop, or just Boop for short. I had to replace my old car in a hurry, and Boop was the best I could get. All her parts were original, though, so that caused some problems. The hoses would burst, or belts would snap. In the few years I owned her I had to replace 2 belts, 4 hoses, the rad fan, and the alternator. By the time I was in my second year of University, I just couldn’t afford any major repairs. Of course, that’s when the muffler started to rust out. One day, I happened to startle a squirrel in our driveway on my way to class. The damn furry thing tried to run away, ran into the muffler, and left a large squirrel-sized hole in it.
After that, I was banned from all the local drive-thus. The car was just too loud, it hurt the workers’ ears over the speaker. Then, the transmission started to go. Do you have any idea how expensive it is to replace a transmission? The parts and work would have cost me more than the car was worth! Add to that the new muffler and…… well, I had to get rid of her. Luckily, I found a program through the Government of Ontario that lets you sell your car to them for somewhere around $300 so that they can recycle it and get it off the street. It’s meant for older cars that might not be up to the best emissions standards. So poor Boop had to go to the scrap yard. That was about 6 years ago, and I haven’t had a car since.
Life is just too damn expensive for me to get a car right now. Aside from the initial cost, there’s the insurance, gas, and maintenance to afford. With my current job, I can barely afford to pay my rent, let alone all my other bills. I haven’t made enough yet for OSAP to start billing me for the almost $60,000 in student loans I took out. Some months, I have to put my groceries on my credit card, which already has a massively huge bill I’m trying to pay off. I don’t get to go out with friends, go out for food, or buy myself new things unless I really plan for it, or there’s some sort of spontaneous miracle. And that does happen sometimes, those miracles.
I had my laptop for a little over 6 years when it started acting really strange. I had a little money saved up, but nowhere near enough to replace it. If I ordered it online, I could use the credit card I reserve for emergency online purchases (ambulance bills, contact lenses, etc). But that card has a really high interest rate, and paying it off would be impossible. While I was in a panic about this, my bank called. Because I somehow manage to make even just the minimum payments on my cards every month, they wanted to offer me a line of credit with a very low interest rate, with the idea that I could have a little security or maybe use it to pay off one of my higher interest cards. I ordered a new desktop computer that night, and paid off the entire credit card with that line of credit. I know that’s not a real “miracle”, but it’s as close to one as I’ll ever experience.
Hopefully soon, I’ll be able to find another job. I’ve been applying for jobs all over this city for a year now, looking for something to help me get by. I have an interview for a very good job next week (that I don’t want to talk about too much, or I’ll jinx myself), and am really hopeful for that one. Once I’m working more, I can start doing more of the grown-up things that I want to do with my life. I can get my own apartment, pay off my debts, buy a car, and take a few friends out for dinner or drinks or something. I have a few people in my life who have helped me in huge ways while I’m going through these rough times. Some of them don’t even realize how much what they’ve done for me has helped me. I had once co-worker who would drive me home after every single shift we worked together. When he was transferred to another location, I was devastated. I’d really like to just buy him presents, spoil him, pay him back for all those times he went in the exact opposite direction of his house to make sure I didn’t have to trek home in the snow at night.
Well, this was a little rambly, but now you know a little more about me. Maybe I’ll make this a weekly thing, letting you in on my life and why I consider myself a failed grown-up.